Talk To Strangers To Get Out Of A Rut

Want to get out of a rut? Start talking to strangers, you never know what can happen.

I grew up with a mother who, within 5 minutes of going anywhere, would create bonds with all those around her. As a child, I found it incredibly annoying that I couldn't leave a grocery store without the group hug between butcher, baker and cashier. It was years later, that I realized what an incredible lesson she provided for me, that I now integrate into my life (with far greater moderation) and that really allows me to feel connected to the world around me.

I've gotten numerous perks from talking to strangers to having a great gym buddy and friend, learning about the history of typesetting and why comic sans is a design disaster if you want to take yourself seriously, the history of Maltese and the aristocracy, to a beautiful moment of prayer with a Christian woman who I bonded with when I found a pile of brand-new storage bins on the streets of New York, and she asked if she could possibly share the wealth. On a business level, I've also gotten business speaking engagements, clients, referrals and met new friends that are now in my life, simply by being open and initiating a contact with a so-called "perfect stranger."

These strategies, by the way, are also wonderful in networking situations as well, for those times you feel a tad reserved or find talking to strangers daunting.

1. Wake up and pay attention to your environment - Maybe someone on a bus or grocery line has an interesting pin, hat or accent. Be interested and then act interested. One woman in an elevator had sparkled Vera Wang flats that I commented on, which ended up leading to a relationship with an association that I had several speaking engagements with. Years ago by joking with a person in an elevator, I ended up getting a commercial audition a week later. While you don't want to go into these encounters with an agenda to get anything, it's a nice perk when it happens.

2. Don't be afraid to ask someone a question or ask their opinion - People may at first be taken a little bit aback, but ultimately, as long as they are not in a hurry or in some form of upset, are complimented that you want their opinion on something. One of my most tender moments with a stranger, started by her asking for directions to a certain gate, where we found out we were going to the same place, and I escorted her there. It lead to a heartfelt conversation about her losing her husband suddenly and hoping a certain retreat may allow her to heal. While we never stayed in touch, I came away with a tremendous gratitude for my partner, Charlie, and the fulfillment of having supported another human being that day.

3. Eye Contact and a simple "How are you?" is all that you need - I heard it said, "We have never been so disconnected in a connected world." People crave contact, depending upon the person and the situation. A client of mine loves to go into elevators and look people in the eye, say "How are You?" and ask them what floors they want to go to, and simply press the buttons herself. While some people are texting and uninterested in connecting, there are often one or two, who will look her back in the eye, with warmth, "Thank you." A stilted disconnected elevator ride transforms into a shared moment.

4. Share an observation with a stranger- While the weather is a common ice breaker, see if you can be more creative with someone. If they're reading a book and the title looks interested and they don't look like they would mind an interruption, and you've read that book, share one thing you got out of that book, and what they're enjoying about it. If they answer with one word responses, then it's clear they don't want to engage, and just move on.

5. Enjoy the process of leaving the same ol' same ol' and getting to meet new people- While you may never find your BFF, Soul Mate, or your next best biz transaction, there is something so rejuvenating by expanding the world you're in by talking with strangers. You'll find that this renewed energy and connections while not only enhance your personal life but professional one as well.

Lois Barth
Seminar Speaker
LoisBarth.org

5 Winning Ways To Make A Good First Impression by Lois Barth

The expression, “You never get a second chance to make a first impression” is seen as a cliché, and it’s absolutely true. Study after study shows that people make their impressions about you within the first three seconds. What are you doing to make it a good one?

Here are Five Winning Strategies to do that:

1. Lead with Enthusiasm

Enthusiasm is contagious, end of story. In a world where people are largely flattened because they are overwhelmed and stressed, just having a natural easy going vibrancy towards life, meeting them, and being there is seen as refreshing and a pleasure to be around. This is not about adopting a personality transplant; it’s just about connecting with your own enthusiasm about life, a particular project, or best yet, the possibility to meet another person.

2. Match Their Tone Levels and Style of Communication

That being said, while it’s important to bring your own spirit of enthusiasm to all situations, you need to match people’s tone levels and style of communication. One of the gifts of being a stand-up comic for several years was getting to witness truly brilliant comics meet the tone levels of their audiences. They may have had very sophisticated humor but when they did a spot at the local comedy club or even performing on the road to a new audience, they made sure to study the audience's overall temperament, sensibility and communication style.

From there, they’d meet the audience from their comfort zone and quickly move up the scale, where within 5-6 minutes they were doing their material, and they audience was happy to come for the ride. If they would have blasted the audience with a total different sensibility unless they were a star or familiar comic, the audience would have backed off. It’s the same with meeting people. Notice their word choices, body language and overall sensibilities and initially match them, so they feel comfortable and can relate to you. It’s not about pretending to be someone you’re not; it’s just about creating a rapport so they are comfortable with you.

3. Be Interested vs. Interesting

One point I am always mentioning in my NYC Life Coaching Sessions is the biggest trap we make with first impressions, business or personal, is trying to win the person over, by trying to impress, dazzle, and show your expertise, when in fact, a simple act of being interested in what they are up to, their experiences, and most of all their needs is the best approach. Even in job interviews, if you are interested in the company, the goals and the mission of the organization, and how that job can support those goals, that’s far more impressive, than trying to “win them over.” It’s not bringing in the WIIFT, “what’s in it for them,” factor. Remember it’s all about them first, then it can be about you later.

4. Do Some Research So You Can Be In Their World

So many times we are so nervous meeting someone that we focus on ourselves rather than being in the person we meet's world. Do research, now with the internet it’s so easy. Google them, look at their profile on Linked In, you’ll soon find lots more common ground. Check out organizations ahead of time and speak to the interesting program they have. Maybe your Alma Maters are the same.  Perhaps you both liked an article, and that can be a wonderful catalyst to have a really interesting thought-provoking conversation that can bypass the same ol’ same ol’.

One client decided to make dating an opportunity to get to know people rather than focus on a second date or her having to meet the man of her dreams. She was on a date, and launched in playfully with, “Wow, I noticed you mentioned on your profile that while you’re a registered Democrat you also voted for (fill in the blanks) who was a Republican. Do you think that’s more of a trend going on, with people being more of a centrist than aligning with a pure party?" 

He literally dropped his fork, his jaw flew open and said playfully, “I think I need to marry you yesterday, this is the first interesting question I’ve had on a date in the last year. Thank you, you renewed my faith that it may be possible to find a woman who I’m attracted to and can have an intelligent conversation with.” While it didn’t end up being a match, her paying attention to the small details opened the conversation for a far more richer connection, where they immediately shared on a deeper (still appropriate) level and came away enjoying the daunting experience of a blind date.

5. Have Fun

If you are having fun and just enjoying the experience of meeting another person, you’ll convey that spirit of ease and comfort to the next person. If you’re less interested in impressing and more interested in entering the person’s world and providing value, your natural charm and vibrancy towards life will emerge on its own.

Lois Barth
LoisBarth.org

Lois is a Professional Speaker, NYC Life Coach and Motivational Expert supports individuals and groups to see their daily life lessons as their greatest curriculum for thriving both personally and professionally.

NYC Seminar Speaker Lois Barth: Is Your Business An Evergreen?

While my classrooms of life include reading books, having thought-provoking conversations and seminars and workshops, perhaps my greatest teacher is the one that's right in front of me; nature. I walk down the country road near more 100-year-old farmhouses, and today's lesson presents itself beautifully; the metaphor of the evergreen. 

Among the plethora of trees that have lost their leaves in the dead of winter, I see cluster after cluster of evergreens, the pines, the cypress and many others, with all their colors rich and their various needles intact.

The evergreens catch my attention because it brings me back to the metaphor of my business, and my work. That while there are different sales cycles to one's business and outside circumstances, just as the seasons are a natural part of life, how will I take these same principles in having a flourishing seminar speaking business, and how I will support my clients and groups as well in doing the same?

Here are some of the principles see for myself and my clients that really make a difference.
 
Is my business still relevant with the needs of my client?

While it's very important to always do what lights you up and inspires you, you must always "marry" it with what the growing needs are with your current clients and the clients you want to attract.
 
Are my offerings in line with the changes going on in the world?

Are you noticing the trends or themes that are emerging in the world around you and are you creating services that actively meet those needs? Keeping current isn't always about having top notch technology or knowing every little nuance that's emerging in pop culture, but rather looking at the "collective society cry" based on the shift that you notice. 

For example, we are in informational overload, so yet another information product based on consuming more information, may be a ho-hum more of the same, but a product on how to manage, sift through information, or relaxation tools to get back on track with people's instincts and ability to enjoy life.
 
Am I still "on fire" with what I provide to my clients or ideal audience, and if not how will I get my mojo back?

Often what inspired us 5 months or 5 years ago about our businesses is no longer resonant or exciting to us, and whether it's a product or service, it's just a matter of time before it trickles down into our work or target market interest. 

• What are you planning to do about that? 
• Perhaps it's changing the market you address to one that speaks to your heart more? 

 Maybe it's making a small adjustment in your offering, or simply addressing your own burnout and taking a break for a bit. Maybe you need to fire yourself from things that are not worth your time. Whatever it is, you must look the dragon square in the jaw and assess where the challenges or disconnects are.
 
Are you evaluating where you are going in your own life, and how your business either supports or doesn't support that?

We can get myopic and think of our life as something separate from our business, when in fact, it's all the same. What shows up in our business, affects our life, and visa versa. Now more than ever, the lines are blurred into one. One of the things to look at is what holds meaning to you in your life, and how does or doesn't your business support that. 

Perhaps quality of life and free time are more important than ever, and the avalanche of business is now landing as a burden more than a blessing. Maybe your lust for travel is screaming at you to create a more mobile business model, or the huge overhead of running your business would be better served by having employees working virtually, rather than in the office. The separation between work and personal is now invisible. As a NYC Life Coach, I always say: "The more you can really clarify what's important and what's not, the more you can keep your work relevant and as a result, keep your "needles" intact."
 
Do you have any structures in place for the changing circumstances around you?

Now that you see the trends changing, are you looking for the silver lining in those changes that can keep your business current? One example is in the speaking industry, more and more presenters are doing virtual telesemminars. 

Another client had a pet business including grooming and food delivery and started to notice that people were so busy, that they created a pet concierge business, to also include transporting their animals to the vet, and look after them the first few hours after the visit, which became a very lucrative part of their business.

Look to nature to give you the answers. The nature of who you are and how you work, but also our blessed creatures and living organisms like the Evergreen, to inform us of our everyday wisdom.

Lois Barth
Speaker, Coach and Motivational Expert
LoisBarth.org